Six Months Ago--

My life felt as dark as the purple tinged black clouds that boiled outside the window of my attorney’s office. Normally, I’m a happy person but the wind picking up made the prospect of attending my almost ex-deceased husband’s funeral even more depressing.

Erin, my best friend, and attorney hurried through the door. “Rylly, I’m so sorry I’m late. I didn’t think that deposition would ever end.” She put her briefcase on the desk.

Erin is tall and slim with sleek blond hair that does exactly what she wants it to do. Her cobalt blue eyes were framed with thick black lashes. She managed to look elegant in cut-offs and a T-shirt. Despite my frumpiness, we’d been friends since collage

“You look nice.” She eyed my black skirted suit which I’d paired with a pale grey silk blouse. “I’m glad you didn’t go with all black.”

“I might have slit my wrists if I’d have gone with all black. The idea was enticing, but I’m a coward. A ditzy coward.” My voice was filled with a bitterness I didn’t even try to hide.

Erin reached over and put her arm around me. “I’m sorry you have to go through with this farce, but it will look better if you do.”

She gave me a very small smile. “Just remember this, his dying puts you in a much better position than a divorce would.”

Little did either of us know that remark would come back to haunt us.

“Payback sucks.” I didn’t know who he’d been shacking up with and I didn’t really want to know because I’m sure that she was prettier, sexier, smarter, and less naïve than I was, but she wouldn’t get a cent from his will.

Erin grinned. “That’s the spirit. Besides you aren’t a coward and you certainly aren’t a ditz. I don’t know why that’s your family nickname. It isn’t really very nice of them to call you that.”

“You’ve met them. They are all high powered, intelligent, and focused. I’m not.” I looked out at the rain that had started to pound against the window.

“No, you’re not. You are something better. You’re fun, kind and caring.”

I snorted. “Please don’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t want to ruin my reputation.”

My hands balled into fists. “You know something. I am very, very tired of disliking myself because I’m not them. I’m thinking about changing. I changed for college and I liked myself back then. But I slipped back into what I was when I was living at home. Marrying Mark didn’t help that.”

I had married Mark because I wanted to get away from my family. That is probably the worst reason to marry anyone. I suggest you don’t do it.

Erin pulled out her sophisticated black umbrella. “Are you ready?”

“No. I’ll never be ready, but let’s get it over with.”

It didn’t take long to get to the mortuary. Since my husband wasn’t wearing a seatbelt when his car crashed through the guardrail on a bridge over a raging stream, the casket was closed.

As I waited for the service to start, I looked around the room. Gently I touched Erin’s arm, nodding over my shoulder.

Without being obvious, she looked at a woman sitting seven rows from the back. She had long, shiny blond hair that glowed like sunlight in the dim room. Her suit was a two-piece black Michael Kors. Her nylons were black as were her Jimmy Choo shoes with four-inch heels. She was wearing a small black hat. Tears were running down her cheeks which she blotted with a black, lace encrusted handkerchief. Her makeup didn’t run.

“She looks like the chief mourner at this funeral.” Erin’s voice vibrated with disgust.

“Maybe she is.” I kept my voice low. “I suspect she’s Mark’s lover or one of them.”

Erin pulled her phone from her small, black purse. Keeping it low, she took several pictures of the woman. “I’m sure I can find out who she is.”

I looked around the room. As I turned I caught the eye of dozens of my friends, friends who had come out in support. I nodded and smiled at each one. The people from Mark’s investment firm had turned out in full force. Most of them were trying to look suitably serious, but it was obvious that they were here out of duty and appearance.

Some of the men openly smirked. But several of the women were close to tears. One thing I noticed, though. I didn’t see anyone from the investment house where Mark worked that I could identify. Mark never invited me to his company’s parties.

As I turned my head, I saw a woman sitting in the back corner. I didn’t recognize her but her expression made the hair on my neck rise. When I caught her eye, I felt like I had been slapped. She looked like she hated me, really hated me. Hastily, I turned back to the front.

I thought I might see some of my family or Marks. Sadly, no one was there from either family.

My family consisted of three sets of twins. I was the youngest by five minutes. My sister Reagan and I were fraternal twins. The next oldest set were my sister Kali and brother Kevin. Kevin was the only one besides me who had married. His wife had recently been killed in Afghanistan. They had a fourteen-year-old boy who lived with Reagan while my brother was deployed. I wanted Kohler to live with me but Kevin picked Reagan even though she didn’t really want him because I am the family screw-up.

The oldest set of twins were identical—Peter and Patrick. Our parents were dead, which I thought barely gave them an excuse for not being there.

I leaned closer to Erin. “Hey, do me a favor. Take a picture of that group of people sitting to my right, about five rows from the back by the door and the woman sitting in that back corner.”

My phone didn’t work since I’d thrown it at Mark when he walked out of the house to his death. I knew I’d have to get one, but the phone was something Mark had forced on me when we got married. I hated the dang things.

As the minister got to his feet, I began rubbing my hands up and down my sleeves. Erin grabbed my hand. “Don’t do that. You’re sad, not nervous. Don’t act nervous.”

Three hours later, Erin dropped me off at my house. It was a small two bedroom with a tiny yard. I bought it before I met Mark. It didn’t fit Mark’s perception of himself so I had rented it after I’d married him. He wanted me to sell it, but I felt that I needed to hang on to the house.

It was small, cozy, comfortable. Thankfully, the renters had been transferred just before Mark’s death so I had some place to go besides our monstrous, ultra-modern home that overlooked the beach in Southport, North Carolina.

As I was getting out of Erin’s car, my umbrella slid out of its shell. The shell was black, the umbrella was a bright white with hot pink polka dots.

“What’s that?” Erin pointed at the umbrella.

“I told you I wanted to change. I bought that this morning.” I pointed at the black shell. “That’s me right now.” Then I pointed toward the umbrella. “That’s the way I want to be.”

When I got into my house, I dropped my umbrella and my purse, then I kicked off my shoes.

I sputtered to myself. “I don’t want a Michael Kors suit or Jimmy Choo shoes. I want the type of personality that is brave enough to have a white umbrella with hot pink polka dots that I can wear with my Jimmy Choo shoes and my Michel Kors suit.”

I couldn’t stand living in the eight thousand square foot house I had shared with Mark. I wanted it on the market as fast as I could get it there. I did miss the 360-degree windows with their view of the ocean, beach and dunes, but that’s all I missed.

As I walked toward the kitchen, I thought I heard a funny scratching noise coming from the front door. I tilted my head, listening. I felt goosebumps prickle my arms. It was still raining, pouring actually, so dark that I couldn’t see the lights across the street.

Walking on tiptoe, I checked the peephole.

The scratching came again.

I couldn’t see anything through the peephole. Grabbing the wooden baseball bat I kept behind the door, I jerked the door open. Before I could swing, something small shot between my legs.

Pushing the door shut with my foot, I turned to see a small, cream-colored dustmop cowering behind the garbage can by the back door.

I squatted so I could see exactly what kind of animal it was. I shivered a little, hoping it didn’t have rabies. The dustmop’s eyes opened. It wiggled forward, then licked my wrist.

I leaned back so quickly that I lost my balance, sprawling on the floor. He hurried over to me, his tail began to wag, spraying my ancient black suit with drops of dirty water.

I scrambled to my feet, sending him back into his corner. I looked at my gray silk blouse. I didn’t know if the dry cleaner could get the spots out.

When I looked back at the dog, I could see him cowering, shivering behind the garbage can. I didn’t know if he was scared or cold or both but my heart turned back on for the first time since Mark’s announcement that he was leaving me for someone else.

I kicked off my black heels, yanked on a pair of tattered sweats, then hurried into the bathroom. Grabbing a ratty old towel, I hurried back to the dog. Slowly, I bent down and gently wrapped the towel around him. Then I picked him up, holding him close.

Almost hesitantly, he licked my cheek. “You poor thing,” I crooned. “You must be starved.” His fur felt coarse and brittle even though it was long.

I reached for my phone. I didn’t have dog food and my car was in the shop. Maybe Google could tell me what I could feed him. I knew he couldn’t have chocolate or onions but I didn’t know much else.

After reading all the cautions, I pulled out a pound of hamburger and some rice. I’d discovered that he could have unseasoned, cooked hamburger and cooked rice. I decided that I would make tacos for me but I wouldn’t season the meat until after I removed his serving. He was very small so I only gave him a small portion of the hamburger-rice mixture.

He ate so fast that it looked like he inhaled it. I also gave him some water. Then I put a warm dry towel on the floor for him to sleep on. Tomorrow I would need to take him to the vet. I wasn’t sure what kind of a dog he was but I wanted to make sure he was healthy.

Then my heart contracted hard. He must belong to someone even though he didn’t have a collar or tags. I already loved him.

After I changed into my purple plaid flannel pajamas and the Bullwinkle slippers my nephew Kohler had given me, I walked into the room where I had dumped all of Mark’s stuff. My little furry friend followed me into the room, looking around curiously.

He settled himself on my slippers as I started going through Mark’s papers.

Two hours later, I threw down the paper I was holding in disgust. I felt filthy, tainted somehow, dirtier than the little dog was. Mark was not the man I thought he was.

I had managed to sort all the bills, IOU’s, and betting vowels into three piles, but the stack that needed to be sorted loomed higher and higher. It seemed to be growing. I was almost afraid to leave the room in case it decided to take over the house, smothering me in the process.

As I got to my feet, I saw a folded paper on the floor. It looked like it had been torn from a larger sheet of paper. I turned it over. Written in purple marker were the words:

If you don’t leave her, you’ll regret it. I won’t be played for a fool.

I felt dazed. Dazed and dirty and damaged.

The next day, I turned Mark’s will over to Erin. “I don’t know if this is his latest will, but it’s all I can find. Please take charge of his estate.”

Erin and I had had each other’s backs since we’d met at Freshman registration.